"A word fitly spoken is like
apples of gold in pictures of silver"
Proverbs 16:24

Technical Support

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.
4. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door of his room.
5. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
6. A dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
7. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
8. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the tech asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
9. An IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1.
10. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
    Caller: "Hello, is this tech support?"
    Tech: "Yes, it is. How can I help you?"
    Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
    Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
    Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
    Tech: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have a trademark on it?"
    Caller: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. the caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive
11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The Tech asked her if she was running it under "Windows". The woman responded, No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.
12. TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager".
    CUSTOMER: "I don't have a "P".
    TECH SUPPORT: "On the keyboard, Bob."
    CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
    TECH SUPPORT: "P" on your keyboard, Bob".
    CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"

Hope you get a kick out of this, maybe we are not so dumb after all